The Year Compass
The Year Compass is a set of guided questions to help you reflect on the previous year and organize your thoughts for the next. It’s something I started doing in 2020 on the recommendation of a 36 year old virgin, and I’ve spread his seed (of advice) to everyone I’ve met since. Just to be clear, I’m not shaming his virginal status, but he did ask me why sex with a partner is better than self-pleasure, and the question has crossed my mind again as I’ve found myself under and on top of various men in 2022.
I think my answer at the time was something along the lines of partnered sex being more than just an orgasm - it’s the kissing, the dirty talk, the edging, and a whole bunch of other sexy stuff that makes it fun even when you don’t cum.
The real answer is I’m a trad girlboss, and I thrive on the praise I get from successfully servicing the male gaze.
Feel free to call me mommy.
On career
2022 was the year I changed both job and industry. At first, I was apprehensive about hitting the reset button. I had spent 4 years on the engineering track and was slated for a promotion - abandoning that momentum felt foolish. But I like making direct impact, and being a senior code monkey wasn’t going to cut it. So, I switched careers to one where I could carve out my personal roadmap - one where I own the content I produce, and I build public influence that persists. I finally admitted to myself that finding meaning in my life was intrinsically tied to finding meaning in my job, and it felt good to be an empowered workaholic.
2022 was also the year I approached work “like a man.” There’s some statistic out there that says women don’t apply for a job unless they meet X% of the job requirements whereas men will apply regardless of qualifications. So, yes, I did apply for jobs I felt unqualified for, and hell yeah, I got interviews and offers too. I know I’m great, so I wrote cover letters to tell people why I’m great, and people were like, wow, you are great!
I am humble, by the way, so I do want to acknowledge I was applying at the start of 2022 when the job market was on fire, so timing played a large part in my success. However, I got to where I am now because I grew a big dick and took advantage of the situation, and my dick has only gotten bigger since. I’m aggressive in meetings, make broad statements with little justification other than that I’m more intelligent, and ask for forgiveness, not permission. No one has called me a bitch yet, and I’m getting recognition.
Forget being a soft girl, I’m a hard man.
On friendships
2022 was the year where I made actual friends as a working adult. Dating after college is hard, but honestly, making friends is even harder. With dating, you can, at the bare minimum, use sex to connect physically, but new friendships are hard to grow organically. As much as I gush about my job, the majority of the happiness I feel is attributed to the fact that I’ve found a strong support system that actually lives close to me. I have zero advice on how to arrive at this outcome outside of sheer luck though. It simply happened because I met someone who introduced me to someone who introduced me to someone who introduced me to everyone, and now I’m in an overactive group chat where I’m excited to take an hour to read and respond to every message I missed.
Outside of this core group chat, whose horny humor has unsurprisingly leaked into this blog, I’ve also befriended a whole swath of new people and rekindled old friendships too. I could write a whole post on how they’ve aided me on my career journey, gave me sage advice when it comes to navigating relationships, and simply made me feel happy and whole, but I’m just gonna say this: if you’re reading this, and you’re my friend, I love you, I value you, and I’m so thankful you were a part of my 2022.
On dating
2022 was the year I quadrupled my body count. It was the first year in eight years where I wasn’t someone’s girlfriend, and it was the first year in my entire 27 years where I touched a non-Asian dick. Of the 6 men I slept with, I only slept with 2 more than once, and of those 2, I only liked one. Of the 5 guys I went on a date with, but didn’t fuck, there was one I actually wanted to punch and one I thought I was going to marry, but he liked me after I finished liking him, and we mourned the mismatched timing together.
I don’t really have any grand takeaways here other than it is easy to pull a hot man in New York, but hard to pull a hot man whose personality you like, knows how to communicate, and can actually commit. Sometimes it feels like a “pick 2” situation, but I’m not one to compromise. The 2022 me has outgrown the “I can make a hot man commit” mentality because I’ve decided to have low tolerance for hesitation and high tolerance for failure. Uncertainty paralyzes me, and I’m done running on other people’s time.
Good thing there are so many hot men in New York.
On parents
2022 was the year where my only real stressor was my relationship with my parents. I think I tend to describe it as all doom and gloom, but I think it’s better put as “generally good but punctuated with intense moments of grief and shame.”
This sounds like a toxic relationship, and that probably means it is, but I took a huge step in 2022 and told them I wasn’t Christian. Has this changed their behavior? Not really. Has it changed mine? I’m not sure. But internally I feel better - I feel like by letting myself not be perfect, I made the first step towards letting them in a little closer to my life. I don’t know what comes after this, but I’m cautiously optimistic. Not optimistic in the sense they’ll ever become the tolerant and accepting parents my white friends have, but optimistic that I can be a little bit more brave about being a little bit more honest.
On 2023
So, what’s next for me in 2023?
I think my primary focus will be cultivating the seeds I’ve planted in 2022: progressing my career, deepening my friendships, and being more transparent with my parents. Also, since I finally executed the ho phase I didn’t get to manifest in college, I’m ready to change aspiring fuqgirl to retiring fuqgirl.
So, if you know any hot guys thirsty for yet another Asian girl with a substack, send them my way, and let them know my secondary goal in 2023 is a fat ass.
Oh, and tell them I’m a mommy.